Totems

I wrote this post for a prompt given during our local Indieweb club meeting.

Totems are items of great personal, spiritual, or religious meaning to people or groups of people. I’ve never given much thought about totems before today except that one phase of watching the movie Inception multiple times. It’s not a concept that anyone told me about before the movie. I suppose I’ve had a few through my life.

When I was about seven years old, I made a rubber band ball. I collected the bands for months, kept adding layers upon layers, till the ball became so big that it started collapsing under the strain of the bands. It was probably one of my first projects—something I made entirely by myself over a long period of time. And I absolutely loved it! I carried it everywhere with me.

That was until it went missing one day, never to be seen again. I suspect someone took it because it was cool, or because it was uncool. I cried a little that day.

Later, I went through several similar rounds. I’d painstakingly make or collect something over month and years, only for it to disappear or break down in one way or other after a while. I suppose that taught me to not be attached too much to totems (contradictory, I know), but it took a long time to digest this lesson.

The latest in this series was my drum kit that I loved playing. Sometimes I’d just sit and admire its construction and finish. The thrill of playing it was an unmatched feeling, and it still is. After a decade of owning it, and keeping it right by my bedside, I had to give it away to make room for more necessary things in my life at the time.

I know many people have totems that they are incredibly attached to. I have been terribly sad every time I’ve had to let go of such things. But I carry the experience with me, and it has made me who I am.

I’m looking forward to having many more totems in my life that I’ll love and cherish at various times, but not be too attached to, so that I can grow and move on to the next one.